The "off" days?

The inability to function smoothly is not because the child won't, but because he can't.

Do you ever wonder why? Why does my child act this way? Why does my child not seem to register that something can be harmful to him/her? Why doe my child seem to know the difference one minute and completely forget or not care the next?

I wonder this all the time. I use to think my son just does not listen to me. Constantly ignoring me and doing whatever he wanted. It never came to my mind, before now, that he just was not able to understand.

Here is an example:

How inefficient sensory integration leads to inefficient learning.

Your child pulls the cat's tail, the cat hisses, arches its back, and spits. Normally, through experience, a child will learn not to repeat such a scary experience. He learns to be cautious with the cat. in the future, his behavior will be more adaptive.

The child with SI Dysfunction, however, may have difficulty "reading cues, " verbal or non-verbal, from the environment. He may not decode the auditory message of the cat's hostile hissing, and visual of the cat's arched back, or the tactile message of the spit on his cheek. He misses the "big picture" and may not learn appropriate caution.

Another possibility is that the child can read the cat's reaction but is unable to change his behavior and stop himself. He receives the sensory information, but can't organize it to produce an efficient response.

A third possibility is that the child sometimes can take sensations, organize them, and respond appropriately - but not today. This may be one of his "off" days.

This explains a lot, for my situation at least.

I can tell when my child can't process something. I can tell when he does not understand. I can see the signs of him struggling and things that lead up to it. I know, when he flips his right shoe off and on, he is uncomfortable. When he chews on his clothes he is having a hard time understanding and concentrating.

I am beginning to understand him, a little at a time. What I don't understand is how to explain it to others. How to explain it where it does not look like I am making excuses for him, or lacking any parenting skills, or flat out just do not care. I know when we are out to dinner or shopping and my child breaks down, for whatever the reason, it is because he does not understand or cannot process or accept what is going on. To outsiders it looks like I am a mother who cannot control her child. A mother who lets her child take advantage of her. A mother who does not respect others in a way.

I guess what really matters is not that the world understands him, but that the people in his world understand him.

You have to have patience. You have to be open-minded and understanding. I am still working on the patience and the understanding. When things get out of control and my child is having a huge meltdown, I try to remind myself that he does not understand. If I am his mother and I do not completely understand the world and his disorder, how can I expect him to?

[All information in this blog is from personal experience and from The Out-of-Sync Child, unless otherwise stated.]